Photos Archives - Page 2 of 3 - My Soul is Scottish

Wherever you go, you take yourself with you.

That’s not a new concept in my life but the bathtub epiphany that went with it certainly is.

Over the past few weeks homesickness has cranked up a few levels and I’m barely classified as a functional human being. Depression; frustration; emptiness; longing. The yearning to go back to Scotland has all but wiped out my will to live.

The question is: will landing at Edinburgh airport suddenly change my life?

In some ways it will. The scenery will be completely different; the culture will be worlds apart and there will be new language challenges to conquer. However, I will be the same person. I will not magically be different. The same likes and dislikes will make the journey with me and things that get on my wick here will probably do the same there.

There’s no magic button that ejects all my bullshit at airport security leaving me to walk through the scanner as a baggage-free person.

So who exactly is this mythical being I hope to be when I go ‘home’? The bigger question is, why am I not her now?

The woman who took the trip in November took herself to breakfast and lunch and indulged in little pleasures. She wandered around solo soaking up the history and culture of new cities; (and by new, I mean older than America); she wasn’t afraid to be alone in a strange and unfamiliar place.

So why am I not able to do those things here? The architecture in Edinburgh was breathtaking but then again, Chicago is very architectural in more modern ways. The food experiences were incredible in Scotland. Chicago is equally diverse when it comes to food. There’s everything from Ukrainian to Lebanese and anything in between. The Taste of Chicago is downright delicious! I’ve eaten my way through that more than once.

Museums and art galore in Edinburgh. What about Chicago? Art Institutes and museums aplenty and a pile of experiences to cater to any taste. What’s the difference? Why did it fit there yet doesn’t fit here? Is this purely a mental block I’ve set for myself borne out of a need to be difficult?

My morning commute starts on Route 66 in downtown Chicago. I walk past iconic buildings twice a day, 5 days a week; sometimes stopping to appreciate them; mostly walking at speeds reserved for escaping a burning building, silently cursing slower moving pedestrians.

When you move to a new place, everything is exciting and beautiful but then it becomes just another castle on the corner after 6 months.

If I refuse to get out and appreciate the culture and art around me here, it’s a fair assessment that once the novelty wears off I might fall into the same slump there, pacing around my self-made prison plotting an escape again.

Don’t get me wrong, Scotland is my soul home and I’ll go back if it kills me. Before I do, there’s some internal work I need to take care of. The only way this is going to work is if I am able to live the ‘Scottish’ life I envision NOW, not save it for some future destination and time. I don’t get a new me when I clear customs so I’d best get her out of storage soon or it will all have been for naught.

Just a quickie

It’s definitely going to be an early night tonight; I’ve hit a wall. Does homesickness have physical symptoms? There’s very little a hot bath, a glass of wine and a nap can’t fix and I’ve taken care of the first 2 items on the list.

There are days when life feels 100 shades of grey *not the steamy version* and it’s difficult to find the colours. It seems fitting to whip out my monochrome photos with a splash of colour to remind you that the colour is out there, even when it doesn’t feel like it.

A church on Prince's Street, Edinburgh — A church on Prince’s Street, Edinburgh

A church just off the Royal Mile in Edinburgh

Flowers in the grass at the cemetery at Roslyn Chapel, Midlothian

And because it’s Friday, the next installment of the Rose Street story:

The long road home…..

Today was one of those days. You know, the ones where you question what the hell you’re doing on this planet.

The fact that I can’t just grab my passport and head to the nearest plane station left me feeling like my legs are filled with lead. Patience is not something I suffer from, let’s just be clear about that upfront.

The Midwest is in the middle of a wee winter snap so this morning’s windchill of -4F (-20C) felt like a punch in the face with an iceberg. It’s hard to find a happy place mentally when your skin feels like it’s on fire; which is ironic given there’s no heat in a 6 state radius of this tundra.

Times like these the only place to hide is in my photos. They take me somewhere else; to a place I crave like air. It’s hard to explain that feeling. Some people are fortunate and they are born where they belong and never know the emptiness of feeling adrift in foreign places with no place to anchor.

I keep telling myself ‘soon.’ Soon I’ll be in my mountains near my lakes in the one place life makes sense. I still have my Falcon’s Eye against my heart every day with the other half in the waters of Loch Ness. I like to think the stones are connected and I’m tied to the one below the water; my invisible link to home no matter how far away I may be right now.

Looking down the Royal Mile in Edinburgh. The moody clouds added to the picture

The mist rolling in over Loch Ness on Friday 13th.

The Ross Fountain looking towards Edinburgh Castle. There's now a fence around the fountain for safety reasons so glad I have a pic without it! — The Ross Fountain looking towards Edinburgh Castle. There’s now a fence around the fountain for safety reasons so glad I have a pic without it!

The second name I've chosen for myself, Margaret. This is a stained glass in St Giles Cathedral on the Royal Mile, Edinburgh — The second name I’ve chosen for myself, Margaret. This is a stained glass in St Giles Cathedral on the Royal Mile, Edinburgh

Thursday's story down Rose Street in Edinburgh. Love the detail in the metal work — Thursday’s story down Rose Street in Edinburgh. Love the detail in the metal work

Winter. Yay!

Woke up to everything covered in snow this morning. There wasn’t too much of it but enough for it to temporarily look like the universe went right click, properties, monochrome, apply, OK. Poof. Bye bye colours.

With a windchill of -15C a cafe con leche was on the menu on the way to work. How do the homeless survive in this weather? HOW? It was a 6 block walk from the station to the office and I felt like Bambi for about 2 blocks of it. The bridges over the river are the worst because it’s just sheets of ice and your legs have a mind of their own.

Winter is not my favourite season here. The irony is I preferred the cooler weather when I lived in England but then I moved to the Midwest and discovered what cold actually means. Now I prefer the scorching heat with 200% humidity. My hair is huge 3 months a year.

People have asked how I plan to cope with the weather in Scotland. It’s a valid question. I’d like to think with the continent being so close and flights being as cheap as they are, it would be simple enough to get away for a long weekend every now and then in winter to find some sunshine.

Having a narrower temperature margin also makes a difference. Here the extremes vary from -25F (-31C) in winter to 100F+ (37C) in summer. It’s too drastic. The range between hot and cold in Edinburgh is a lot narrower. 3C in January to 15C in June/July. *damn that’s not really a summer, is it?*

So while summer will be a lot less of a sure thing and I’ll probably have big hair about 98% of the time because it rains, I’ll also have views to die for.

Lakes, mountains and architecture galore. Throw in a bit of history, great pubs, good scotch and Scottish breakfasts and we have the makings of a very contented ME.

As much as snow grinds my gears here because of the bitter cold and constantly digging my car out in the mornings, it somehow fits there. It makes sense in the Highlands. It adds to what makes Scotland magic.

There’s something about the Highlands that makes me feel like I’ve finally found the place I’ve searched for my whole life. This was taken a little after I passed the Welcome to the Highlands sign on November 13, 2015 on the road to Culloden to see the Clan stones.

Tell me this isn’t magic!

highlands

Oh, and because it’s Tuesday, here’s the next part of the story down Rose Street in Edinburgh:

Tuesday

Happy birthday Dad!

The story of 3 deaths.

It was my brother’s birthday yesterday so it was off to the folks for dinner. My parents are currently packing up for a move to South Carolina so they’re going through years worth of stuff and deciding what goes and what stays.

My Dad found a stack of old photos from his childhood and some from mine. Seeing my grandparents when they were a LOT younger was strange. I’ve only ever seen pictures of them as I knew them.

Memory Lane is a long road and it was great having a laugh over some memories and seeing my Dad and his siblings making their own.

There were 2 photos in particular that struck a chord. They were both family photos taken after my dad was born and it looked like the whole family gathered for the picture. Sadly only a few faces are still remembered and the other names have fallen into a void where no-one remembers them.

The woman holding my dad was Granny Bridget. I’ve heard stories of her; she sounded like a woman with an opinion and more than a little bit difficult. My dad always says she could have been a rear-gunner on a bread van in Ireland. She was that kind of woman.

The woman next to her was my Nana and the man kneeling in front of her was my Granddad.

Looking at all the unknown faces in that picture, it brought back something I read a few years ago. To the woman who wrote this, I’m SO sorry I cannot remember your name to give you credit for it. It has stayed with me since I read it in passing and I thank you for it. It goes like this.

There’s a story that everyone dies three deaths. The first death is when your body leaves this world. The second is when the last person who remembers you, dies. The third is when your name is spoken for the last time.

I have a weird thing about walking around cemeteries. I love reading the epitaphs on the graves and often there are messages that hold a lot of meaning, even though you don’t know the person who lies beneath the stone.

Ever since I read that snippet, I say the names aloud when I pass each grave. Sometimes you come to a stone that is so worn by time that the name is lost to the ages, only living on a piece of paper somewhere recording this as their final resting place. For those names I say a prayer.

For the others, their names are said aloud and I often wonder if that moment will be their third death or if someone somewhere still speaks their name in memory.

These stones are in the cemetery below Roslyn Chapel in Midlothian. The wind was howling that day and I had the place to myself walking among the dead. I feel strangely peaceful when I leave.

Scotland 2015 – Day 9: My last day :-(

Morning Scotland! Sun’s up, the sky is blue, pretty sure it’s still cold out there but looks like it’s going to be a beautiful day. Going to put some miles on my boots today but first stop, Loudon’s, for a last go at their Eggs Benedict.

Just realised my flight to Luton is leaving an hour earlier than I thought it was which means I have to leave here at 4:30 am tomorrow morning, to be on the 4:50 bus to the plane station for a 7am flight. So wake up at 3:45? Oooof.

Breakfast at Loudon’s was perfect – again. I’ve been there so often they all came over to say goodbye. I’ve really enjoyed meeting them, what a fab bunch of people! Other than breakfast at Loudon’s and some retail therapy down Prince’s Street, there was nothing else on the agenda for today. There’s a crystal shop somewhere in Edinburgh, which is a few miles of walking but I have nothing else I want to do today so time for a stroll.

I passed a mall and stopped in to use the facilities and pick up some tourist tat to take home. No trip is complete without the cheap souvenirs; it’s the law. I found this absolute gem in one of the shops:

I pretty much wandered around aimlessly; sat in the Gardens for a while, just soaking up the views of the skyline. Listening to the accents walking past, trying to lock them into my head to take home.

I don’t want to go and have been teary most of the day. God this sucks sweaty balls! I want to go home, wrap myself in my Saltire and just stay wrapped up like a mummy until they return my remains to this place to live out eternity. Who needs heaven when you can have Scotland?

Please don’t make me go 🙁

Scotland 2015 – Day 9: Nowhere to go and all day to get there

It’s been a great day. Started off at my fave coffee shop for brunch. They know me already! They all took turns to pop over and say hi so I’ll defo be back there tomorrow for my last breakfast. Their food is sublime.

It was pouring with rain and I took a wrong turn so hid under a bus stop until it stopped. I got chatting to this tiny Scottish woman; what a riot! She was hiding behind me so she could smoke without anyone noticing. The absolute best advice is found in the strangest places. According to my temporary bus-stop friend: There’s no such thing at bad weather in Scotland, only wrong clothing. Genius.

After thanking all the gods that I was wearing my all-weather hiking boots, I found my way back to St Giles Cathedral to take the pics I didn’t take last time. They were in the middle of a service so sat in for the end of it. I’m not religious but I was REALLY wound up about people sitting in the service ON THEIR DAMN PHONES!! Really?! It’s a CHURCH. They’re in the middle of the blessing and prayer and you’re on Facebook? For real?? Heathens….

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I didn't notice the Masonic Compasses at the base of each column the first time I was there. Nat pointed them out to me when we stopped by — I didn’t notice the Masonic Compasses at the base of each column the first time I was there. Nat pointed them out to me when we stopped by

The Patron saint of Scotland - Andrew — The Patron saint of Scotland – Andrew

Margaret is everywhere here. I've chosen her as my 2nd name — Margaret is everywhere here. I’ve chosen her as my 2nd name

I've never really appreciated the detail that goes into stained glass. It's amazing — I’ve never really appreciated the detail that goes into stained glass. It’s amazing

Thank God indeed! The Scots are responsible for some of the most important inventions we use every day. They even invented the decimal point. — Thank God indeed! The Scots are responsible for some of the most important inventions we use every day, like the decimal point.

I spent quite a while just sitting for a bit, soaking it all in. By the time I left the sun was up again so hoofed around taking pics, stopped at the City Art Center and then hoofed down Prince’s Street looking for a place to buy luggage. I cut through Prince’s Street gardens. Holy crap…. the view of the castle from down there is insane!

The height of that cliff is mental. It’s a very imposing view and absolutely stunning. Took a pile of pics, none of which I think accurately capture the scale of that cliff.

Another corner, another impressive building

The cemetery at St. Cuthberts. Time to do the necessary. — The cemetery at St. John’s. Time to do the necessary.

My OCD liked the colour gradient in these 3 flats.

A beautiful Celtic Cross on the side of the road on Prince's Street. — A beautiful Celtic Cross on the side of the road on Prince’s Street.

Don't forget to look up from time to time. There are little gems hidden everywhere. This was above a regular store on a random corner. — Don’t forget to look up from time to time. There are little gems hidden everywhere. This was above a regular store on a random corner.

Stopped in the St John’s cemetery to do the usual. For a cemetery in the middle of the High Street, it was eerily peaceful. Found a luggage place, got a suitcase to trek my booze home in and now on the sofa under my blankie. Might go out for dinner later if I can find the energy to put civilized clothes on again.

Scotland 2015 – Day 7: Wandering around, sightseeing

We had a relaxed day. Nat & James are leaving tomorrow and I don’t want them to go 🙁 It’s been so great catching up and being tourists together. Natalie is having a fab time, which I’m so pleased about, given that Scotland is not her fave destination. I think she’s been very pleasantly surprised at how much there is to see here.

We grabbed a cup of tea at the bottom of the Mound, then headed up the 4 billion stairs to the Royal Mile. Good God, I’m going to have buns of steel after this holiday.

Dear God.... the stairs in this city... — Dear God…. the stairs in this city…

We wandered down the Royal Mile, down past the Wyrd Shoppe and stopped in for some shopping. Nat & I got some beautiful titanium quartz necklaces and a few other bits and bobs in the crystal section. My crystal collection has grown significantly since I arrived. Cannot wait to get them all home and see what they do.

After that, we carried on down the Royal Mile then made our way up to Calton Hill. More stairs but after the beer consumption lately, it’s very necessary!

National Monument of Scotland – Nat & James

The wee castle on the hill way yonder, the Balmoral Clock and the Scott Monument

Nelson's Monument - it's shaped like an upright telescope — Nelson’s Monument – it’s shaped like an upright telescope

Holyrood Palace in the distance and Arthur's Seat — Holyrood Palace in the distance and Arthur’s Seat

The flags were half mast outside the Balmoral for the Paris attacks.

Stopped for a bite at this pub on Rose Street

And of course, pulled in for a pint here

I'm going to miss these 2 lunatics so much when they leave :-( — I’m going to miss these 2 lunatics so much when they leave 🙁

We stopped at The Scotch Whisky Experience at the top of the Royal Mile. I’ve been tasked with bringing back 6 bottles of scotch for my family so I needed the extra hands to help me carry them back to the flat.

More miles, lots more stairs, and then dinner over some pints. Oooof it’s definitely been a boozy day! We’re meeting up early tomorrow to see them off at the airport. I’m not looking forward to that part at all.

Scotland 2015 – Day 6: Edinburgh Dungeons and Edinburgh Castle.

Another great day done and dusted. We did the Edinburgh Dungeons this morning – 5 star rating for that tour!!! The actors were amazing, the tour was brilliant and worth every penny! Highly recommend doing it if you’re ever in this neck of the woods. The actors display the history brilliantly. It’s the first time I’d heard about the body snatchers, Burke & Hare.

Edinburgh was a leading center for anatomical study back in the 19th century but bodies were in short supply. The practice was that only the cadavers of prisoners, orphans and suicide victims were allowed to be used for medical research. When the legal supply started running short, Burke and Hare got into the business of murder and sold the corpses for a tidy sum. Grave-robbing was also on the menu. Definitely dark times to be hanging around Edinburgh in the 19th century! Burke was eventually hanged and his body dissected. His skeleton is still on display at the Edinburgh Medical School. Oh the sweet irony…

After a quick bite, we headed up the Mound to Edinburgh Castle. It was my 2nd trip to the Castle, the last time being in 2005 with my mom.

The Castle is epic. The amount of history in those walls is incredible. St Margaret’s Chapel was built in the 1100’s. Think about that for a second. Almost 1,000 years ago and it’s still standing! How many people have stood within those walls in that time and how much history exists within those walls? Indescribable.

Nat is 5'4, standing in the doorway to St Margaret's Chapel — Nat is 5’4, standing in the doorway to St Margaret’s Chapel

It was raining when we got there so outside pics were a bit of a problem but it had stopped by the time we left. James was in his element, reading all the history as we went along.

View over the Courtyard – there was a heavy haar (fog) over the city

Cemetery for the Soldier's Dogs. Each headstone has a pooch's name on it — Cemetery for the Soldier’s Dogs. Each headstone has a pooch’s name on it

Spires in the distance – that light looks very welcoming in the rain

This gives you an idea of how thick the castle walls are.

Peeking through the Castle walls over the city below.

Useful tip: wear sensible shoes. There are cobbled streets, narrow stairs and uphills. Heels will make you wish you were dead. It’s a huge castle, so set aside most of a day to tackle it if you want to get your money’s worth. There’s so much to see that it would be pointless just spending an afternoon there. At £16.50 entrance fee for adults, it’s well worth it if you spend the day. The views over Edinburgh are amazing. You can see England on a clear day. The cannon still fires every day for the 1 o’clock gun.

Well you just never know when you'll need to defend the city. — Well you just never know when you’ll need to defend the city.

Pulled over into a pub for a few pints then had dinner at the Hard Rock with some margaritas. I somehow managed to find my way home in the rain. I reckon my beer compass still works just fine.

Another great day with great friends. I’m going to miss them so much when it’s time to go home 🙁

Scotland 2015 – Day 4: Loch Ness

After leaving Culloden, I took a random country lane past the tiny village of Dores. I followed the road along the lake, through Dores and found a spot on the side of the road to stop. There was a path down to the shore line and as soon as my boots hit the stones the tears arrived. The same thing happened last time I was at Loch Ness in 2005, when I visited with my mom. There’s something about that Loch above all the others that is so overwhelming. I sat on a rock under a tree for a bit watching the mist roll in.

Ness shore

I bought 2 Falcon Eye crystals at the Wyrd Shoppe in Edinburgh. One of them is now at the bottom of Loch Ness, one is with me, safely tucked in my bra next to my heart. That will link me to this place, no matter where I may go. My promise to myself is to be home within a year. 13th November 2016. It started pouring with rain after that so I sat in the car for a while. I didn’t want to leave.

My Falcon's Eye stone is in the water under that tree. — My Falcon’s Eye stone is in the water under that tree.

All too soon it was time to head back to Edinburgh. There was heavy snow and rain coming out of the Highlands and through the Cairngorms.

For a laugh, my GPS took me off the highway through Pitlochry for no good reason so I stopped for gas. A Scottie asked me for directions, told him I had no idea. ‘Ye seem pretty sure about that lass, I’ll go in and ask’ So in he went and asked the cashier: ‘Turn left, go 452 yards and turn right’ So my big mouth piped up that that was a pretty specific distance. ‘Aye. Well that’s where it is!! After the bridge.’

As I was waiting to pay the cashier and another customer started arguing. Frikking hilarious!!! The guy bought a bag of chips and the cashier said he could have 6 for £1 and the guy started arguing he didn’t want 6, he wanted 1. The other guy: ‘I’m helping ye get more stuff!’ ‘Och no, I dinna want more stuff. This is worse than Gregg’s! Dinna sell me things I dinna want!’ ‘Aye, fine. I’ll no help ye then. I’ll be quiet and let ye pay more!’ ‘I’ll no pay more, I’ll only pay for what I want and I dinna want 6!’ 2 Scotsmen arguing is the funniest thing EVER!

When it was my turn I asked if he had a ladies room. ‘Well no me personally, but aye, the garage has one roond that wee corner over there lassie.’ BAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA!! Thanks GPS for that wee detour – bloody brilliant!

Back on the road in the snow and wind, which was a tad white-knuckle in some places. I’m really pleased I ended up with a bigger car because it held the road really well. There was a high wind warning out for the Forth Bridge. Damn, I forgot how much I love variable speed limits. It’s all very efficient.

There were heavy rains coming into Edinburgh but it stopped just long enough to park and get home without getting drenched. Got a curry dinner in the oven and downing a Scotch. I need to live near that Loch. It’s as simple as that. When I die, please put my ashes there.

Tomorrow it’s off to the plane station to drop off the car and meet Nat & James. I cannot WAIT to see them!!