Nat & James arrived early this morning. He and I have been planning this surprise for Nat since March! It’s her birthday weekend and both of us have almost let it slip more than once. She’s hilarious, she hates Scotland because it’s cold and rainy. Given that she lives in England, that’s definitely pot calling the kettle black. We love her anyway.
Her and James both have November birthdays and each year they surprise each other with a trip or something equally brilliant. This year she tried to get it out of him where they were going. After an exhaustive list of guesses covering virtually every country in Europe, she eventually blurted, ‘well at this point I’ll be happy if it’s bloody Edinburgh.’ BAHAHAHAHA!! Nailed it there, Cupcake.
I met them at the airport and the look on her face made me well up. I’m SO happy to see them both! After processing the shock of seeing my crazy arse at the airport, we took the bus back towards Haymarket and stopped at Toby Carvery for an all-you-can-eat breakfast and a decent cuppa tea.
They got settled at their hotel on Rose Street and then we headed to the pub for lunch. God I’ve missed the beers here! We spent the afternoon strolling down the Royal Mile, checking out stuff, killing time before the City of the Dead tour.
Now, when tackling the City of the Dead tour, there’s likely to be a run-in with the Mackenzie poltergeist so I was definitely sending up mental offerings to all the gods for safe passage through this mayhem. It was raining but our tour-guide was bloody brilliant! Before commencing on our trip into the Edinburgh underworld, he had to obviously run through the safety warnings and general disclaimers.
‘If ye fall and impale your head on a spike, we dinnae care. There’s this wee thing known as English Law. Remember, you’re in Scotland now and Scotland disnae care for that shite. Ye cannae sue because you were warned. If ye have a heart problem, ye might die. Again, ye were warned. There’s also the wee matter of the Mackenzie poltergeist. Now we cannae technically say that it exists, but there’s something and it’s sometimes full of shite. Again, best of luck with that. Now, we’ll be walking. A lot. Try and keep up Americans.’ God I love the Scottish!
We headed to the underground chambers under one of the bridges. This is where they housed the homeless back in the day when there was no space in the city. No windows, just high brick chambers with dripping water from the streets above. As we walked into the chamber, the tour guide cursed us individually. ‘Cursed. Cursed. Yer also cursed. Oi, come back, lassie, ye’ve not been properly cursed. Cursed.’
We packed into the chamber underground and someone’s cellphone started ringing. ‘Jesus Christ, ye really are cursed if that thing can ring doon here laddie!’ The lights were turned out to give an idea of what it was like in the cold damp darkness. Not pleasant, I’ll tell you that. If you’re afraid of the dark, ghosts, plague and death, you might not want to do this tour. It’s bloody brilliant! When the lights turn on and the tour guide is inches from your face and you didn’t hear him coming, you kinda shit your pants a bit. Ok…. a lot. I might have screamed…. there’s no proof.
Leaving the chambers, we headed back up to street level up some questionable stairs. We got a brief run-down on the history of Edinburgh. ‘The first skyscrapers were built in Edinburgh. Mind ye, they fell doon a lot but that’s not really important. Say thank-ye!’ ‘Thank-you’ we all chorused back.
‘Aye, and flushing toilets. Say thank-ye!’ ‘Thank you!’
Other useful information included: ‘The number of disgruntled Scots is a consistent 1.6 million; cats are basically serial killers without thumbs; Gardey loo is not something you want to hear above your head. Ever. The number of dead in Greyfriar’s Kirk is rumoured to be in the hundreds of thousands & after heavy rains, the bones of the dead sometimes stick up through the ground. So the caretaker has to check every morning and any bones are removed and kept within the church until there are enough of them, at which point they are cremated. Oh and there was a plague pit discovered beneath the Mackenzie crypt.’ Well that certainly explains why the Mackenzie is more than just a tad pissed off.
‘It’s a 6 minute walk. Uphill. You can do it, Americans!’ I need a funny Scottie in my life.
Greyfriar’s Kirk was a tad eerie in the rain and dark, photos were pretty much impossible because I didn’t have an umbrella to keep my camera dry. Meh, no worries. It was actually more fun paying attention to our raving lunatic guide than being distracted with looking for a good shot to take.
The Covenantor’s Prison was insane! It’s behind a locked gate and closed off to the public, except for this tour. Apparently the prisoners were laid down in the mud outside the prison, forbidden to move, for the duration of a Scottish winter. No food, no water. The energy in that place is not good and it’s no wonder really. The number of prisoners who died in those conditions is mind-blowing. It definitely gives perspective on how things have changed and how harsh living was in those times.
Thankfully no run-ins with the Mackenzie poltergeist. It’s one of the most documented and most active paranormal entities recorded. The Edinburgh Council have actually closed that section of the cemetery for safety reasons because people have come out of there scratched, bruised and bitten. And not just a little bit either.
At the end of the tour, our guide helpfully informed us that we may or may not be cursed now, ‘but do stay in touch and let us know how your bad luck unfolds. We’d love to hear!’
Tomorrow, we’re heading off to the Edinburgh Dungeons and dinner at the Hard Rock Cafe. Natalie loves all things scary so bring it on!
