Month: June 2017

Meditation has taken a backseat lately and it shows in the chaos. I’m a master of creative excuses when I don’t want to do something. Thankfully my OCD hates mess and the garden was starting to look a tad tatty so I went out this afternoon and cleaned up all the sprouting seeds under the bird feeders. My menagerie of critters certainly leave a sprinkling of shells all over the place. Can’t blame them really, not having opposable thumbs and all.

Turns out the garden was just what the doctor ordered because gardening really is the only thing I’ve ever found that switches my brain off completely. When I’m gardening, I just am. One garbage bag later and it started thundering so had to call it a day. Once the sun went down and it cooled off a bit, I took the camping blankie outside and parked it between 2 small bushes and lay down; my head in the garden and my feet on the wet grass. Grounding is something I haven’t done in a while; where you walk barefoot in nature and just feel the earth underfoot. Very relaxing. Well, it is for me anyway.

Life is chaotic. We’re all stuck in varying depths of stress; that’s just how the cookie crumbles. Avoiding meditation lately has basically left me swimming in stress without my floaties. Lying between the bushes staring at the sky is a good place to think. There were also fireflies for a bit of a show. Nature has answers if you’re willing to go there with your questions.

In nature it is literally adapt or die. Plants and animals that cannot adapt to their environment will die. The environment does not adapt to suit them; it is them that must adapt to suit the environment. Trees that don’t bend in the storms will break. Plants must bloom where they are planted or die. There’s no option to relocate themselves to somewhere better if they don’t like their spot. Live in harmony with creatures around them or die. Follow instincts or die. There’s no grey area.

Animals naturally follow the instincts they were born with. Those that don’t, do not survive long. Humans have instinct and intuition and we spend lifetimes overriding those things. When last did you trust your intuition without question? Or trust your instincts in a shitty situation? Instead we follow the guidelines society gives us, which turns out to be a load of shite most of the time.

We don’t adapt to our environments; instead we destroy our environments in an attempt to make it conform to what we need. We try to contain nature and make it bend to our will. It does to an extent but when it lashes out, there’s nowhere to hide.

Nature takes what it needs. No more, no less. We consume endlessly. We eat too much, consume too much, hoard endless things to pad our comfort and stockpile for ‘just in case.’ Sure, animals stockpile food but considering they have a 6 month nap coming up, that makes sense. We don’t nap for 6 months so what’s our excuse?

Nature follows rhythm. Things rest when they need to and grow when they must. The seasons dictate what needs to happen for the continued survival of things. Rest is necessary. Humans don’t seem to think so. We’re GO GO GO all the time. America has the largest number of unused PAID vacation days of any country on the planet. We apparently don’t need to rest because ain’t nobody got time for that. We work ourselves into ill health and an early grave. We’re so far beyond natural rhythms we probably wouldn’t recognize it if it paraded down State Street naked riding a unicorn.

We don’t roll with the chaos in our lives and countless of us break because of it. We’re so busy trying to get to the greener grass over the hill that we never truly bloom where we are. There are many who do and just as many who refuse to. Instead we keep searching for some elusive ‘better’ out there, never fully appreciating where we are in the moment with all the storms and sunshine that comes with it. We don’t live. To live you have to be aware of the life you’re living but we’re too busy moping over the past or obsessing about the future so the clock ticks on unnoticed. Sure, you are cooking dinner but where is your mind? Planning lunches for tomorrow? Making lists of all the chores you need to take care of before bed? Is it fully engaged on the meal you’re preparing or trying to keep the dog out of the dishwasher?

Out of the endless things to do on this planet, gardening is the only truly mindful thing I’ve found for myself. I have no clue how to carry that mindfulness into other areas of my life but nature has given me a lot to think about.

The storms won’t consume me if I am flexible. There will always be enough so there’s no need to constantly consume out of fear or habit. I’m here now so I need to BE here now. I’ve missed Scotland so much the past few weeks but constantly wishing myself there wastes my life here. Now. That doesn’t mean I’ll never go back. It means I need to look at the view along the road home instead of obsessing over the map of how to get there.

If you’re a single woman, you’ve undoubtedly been asked ‘have you met someone yet? about a million times. I’m sure other women mean well when they ask, but quite frankly, it’s annoying.

 

To answer the perpetual question: no, I have not and let me tell you why:

The entire bed is mine with all the blankies. And the bathroom with ALL the cupboard space. The toilet seat is always down.

Everything in the fridge is mine and there’s not a single concession item in this house because I don’t have to cater for little Petunia who only eats apple sauce.

If I don’t want to cook dinner, I don’t. Ice-cream is a perfectly acceptable dinner after a shitty day. So is scotch. The good stuff.

Everything stays exactly where I put it and the only person I’m tidying up after is me.

I can listen to whatever music I want and hog the remote all day long. No-one talks during the movies or critiques my taste in music. WIN!

If I want to take a vacation somewhere, it takes about 10 minutes thinking about it. It’s my money and I’ll go where I please when I want to.

I can spend all my disposable income on books instead of food and not feel guilty.

My chores don’t include doing someone else’s jocks and socks.

If I don’t want to put on clothes, be social or talk to anyone, I don’t. Simple as that. Phone goes off and I’m unreachable.

There’s an entire room for all my weird ‘new-agey voodoo shit’ and hobbies and no-one around to roll their eyes or complain about it.

I love my decorating style where everything is mismatched. There are no communal rules to live up to.

I can move house/city/country on a whim and I have done. Several times actually and more than once the decision was based on nothing more than the swing of a pendulum. All my most important decisions are made that way.

I can spend 8 hours talking to a friend on Skype without someone having a jealous wobble about it. I don’t need permission to spend time with my friends.

So yes, I’m single. It’s going to take someone truly spectacular to change that & I’m not entirely sure that someone has been born yet. And if he has, he’s probably wearing a kilt. Just sayin’.