2 weekends ago, I was relishing the happiness of gardening on my own patch of land. 2 Mondays ago, I went from content to chaos in a matter of hours. It’s funny how quickly life can change. Overnight things can move from order to chaos with no warning.
I’m sorry to say that the chaos consumed me completely. It’s been a roller coaster week which has left me depressed and drained. Just as an FYI here, when someone is losing their shit, absolutely do NOT tell them to calm down. In the history of calming down, not a single person has calmed down by being told to calm down.
This morning I got a package in the mail from a friend in England. A fluffy woolen hat with a pompom. It made me smile to realise there’s a ray of sunshine out there and it’s not all doom and gloom. God bless that woman!
Since moving house, life has been turbulent. Winter, moving, holidays, unpacking, finances, work, visitors, unscheduled mishaps. Writing is my happy place and I’ve made no time for it. It was the first thing to go instead of being the first port of call. Sometimes my thoughts don’t find order until the words appear on the page. I don’t know what I’m thinking until my fingers show me.
I have been so very fortunate to have my own home. Many never have the chance or means. Instead of being grateful for the blessings and opportunities in life, I worried about everything going wrong. And then it did. There’s truth in the saying ‘be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.’ The Law of Attraction is as real as the Law of Gravity. It exists whether you believe in it or not. My worry manifested into the very things I was worried about. It’s happened, so that’s done. Now it’s time to create the solution.
When life turns out all the lights, it’s difficult to find a way out of the maze. So we’ll start small. Laugh at the pompoms. Enjoy the hell out of everything that makes you happy when it makes you happy. Do not defer or neglect your happiness because it is transient. It’s there one minute and can just as easily be gone without warning. Enjoy it when it shows up without worrying about when it will disappear again. If we cannot be grateful for things that make us happy, why would the universe bother giving us more?
Cooking, baking, photography, writing, music, painting. These things make me happy and I’ve made excuses to avoid every single one of them. My kitchen is gutted, can’t cook/bake. It’s too cold outside, can’t go out and take photos. There’s no time to write. My piano is out of tune so can’t play. I haven’t arranged the spare room so there’s no space to paint yet. Enough.
Ask for help; you’ll be amazed how many people are willing to help. Have a wobbly; it’s ok to not be made of concrete all the time. Curl up under a blankie; solutions are clearer when your brain isn’t exhausted. Pamper yourself; it’s allowed! One thing at a time; it’s harder to put out a fire when the hose is pointed at 87 things. Solve something small; it will give you a sense of accomplishment in the chaos. If it’s all falling to pieces, find a kickass battle anthem and play it full volume. Sometimes the warrior within needs a matching soundtrack before she’ll get off her arse and do something.
I came home and nailed up my Saltire. I might not be in Scotland but I have Celtic blood and we’re fiesty as hell when life tests our will. It’s time to draw on that and battle this out.
Find the thing that gives you fuel. The silver linings will find themselves.
