Advice is a splendid thing. Most times. There’s the usual unwanted advice; usually dispensed by some well-meaning individual and then there’s the advice you actually ask for.
Lately I’ve asked for advice from different perspectives; Brexit has thrown a spanner in the works so having a few varied opinions on the matter seemed like a good idea. Well, it wasn’t.
The advice itself is pretty solid, but the state of confusion it’s left behind is shite. Hearing rational people suggest that I NOT relocate for a while has crushed my spirit. The idea of staying here one month longer than the time I set for myself has all but wiped out my will to live because I know they’re making sense. These are people who care about me and my well-being and I love them for it.
My sanity has taken a hit and I feel myself circling the black hole of depression. I can’t sleep, I don’t care about anything, I’m angry, I hate people and my brain/mouth filters are malfunctioning on a level that any Scotsman would be proud of. There’s no patience left to deal with anyone or anything else.
Each time I’ve switched countries the decision to do so came from a purely emotional point of view; logic followed during the actual relocation. Each time things fell into place and I landed on my feet after the transition period into a new culture. This time I’ve applied logic first and let me tell you, it sucks sweaty balls! The idea of renewing my lease and staying in my job makes me want to step in front of the express train.
While navigating this internal chaos there are still friends around me who need constant validation. There’s nothing left to give those friends right now. No, I can’t keep telling you what you want to hear about your guy and no, I can’t pretend to care it matters to me right now. Accept what is or change it but stop repeating the same conversation hoping I’ll tell you what you want to hear. I’m finding it very difficult to give a toss about other people’s sex lives while mine has been on ice for longer than I care to admit.
It’s time to take my own advice. Accept what is or change it. If the job ticks me off, it has to go. If this place grates my carrot, it needs to change. If the call back to Scotland will not be silenced under the volume of helpful advice then I need to heed it and go. Yes, this could be the dumbest thing I’ve done in years but I can get over dumb. Regret, not so much.
