Humans are weird. We want change yet we resist it. We want improvement yet we make the same choices day in, day out. We want our dream lives yet we laugh it off as nothing more than that; a dream. A phantom wish flung out into the void that likely won’t be granted.
We tend to fear what we don’t know. Some people can get comfortable being uncomfortable. Those are the entrepreneurs and risk-takers. They feel fear but aren’t paralysed by it. Those are the people who have the epic before/after pics showing a complete transformation; be it body or lifestyle.
How did they push past it and do it anyway? What was the catalyst that woke them up from their Groundhog Day stupor and had them deciding: ENOUGH. I’m done. No more of this?
In the quest to restore my 4 rooms (physical, emotional, mental & spiritual), I’ve come to a realization. It starts in the spiritual room, however that looks for you. Do not confuse religion and spirituality; they are not the same thing. Spirituality is living in a way that aligns with what matters to you and brings you inner peace. Religion can bring you the same thing but not everyone is religious. I’m certainly not.
The room that needs the biggest overhaul is the physical one. With 30 lbs. to lose, it’s a sizeable challenge when viewed from the starting line. Yet, despite having a wealth of information at my fingertips, access to good food at a reasonable price and living in a place that is safe enough to exercise outdoors, I’ve made no progress. The barrier to transformation is not external; it’s internal. The key is in the spiritual room if you want to change the other 3.
I haven’t made peace with myself as I am now and by point-blank denying the state of affairs, change will not come. You wouldn’t fix something if you didn’t think it was broken, would you? Therein lies the problem. By denying I need to change, I haven’t.
There are several blogs that I subscribe to, mostly centered on better living and health. One of them sent me a link to a webinar on embracing the feminine and living authentically. I’m not a webinar fan because let’s be real, the first acronym has me mentally hitting the snooze button but I felt drawn to this one so had a listen.
Transforming! The blogger once had a life similar to mine now: finance job, stress, mentally exhausted and no passion or purpose. Granted, she earned a punt-load more than I currently do but that’s irrelevant. It’s still relatable.
She consciously chose to change and find her passion and live authentically. Ok, she had more moola in the bank from her job than I do, but again, relatable.
By putting her spiritual/inner needs first, she found her niche. She listed her daily rituals and well, what’s to lose by trying that? So I have. Meditating before going to bed; visualizing the peace I want in my life and actually seeing myself in the life I want; making time during the day to just reflect & be still; moving my body; journaling; checking in with my intuition. She uses Tarot cards, I have Runes.
Well….. let’s just say HOLY CRAP! The question I asked last night was: what is blocking me from the life I want? The answer:
Outmoded thinking. Old habits that no longer serve me. Not willing to be honest about what needs to change. Refusing to let right action flow through me. Ignoring my intuition. Need to be mindful of my health and the people I surround myself with. Unwillingness to let go.
Basically, the universe kneed me in the nuts. Hard. Every one of those things hits the mark. I drew 3 stones: 2 were inverted which indicates a blockage and one is the same in both directions. I am my biggest blockage.
The idea that I can’t make a living doing what I love; that I have nothing meaningful to contribute; that I need to work for a boss to support myself; that I’m genetically predisposed to being overweight because my family are; all of these things are what I’ve believed my whole life. I’ve believed because that’s what my parents and grandparents have believed. Look, learn, do.
Logically it’s a crock of shite. There are many people who are extremely successful doing things that I love; writing, photography, art. They are self-employed so no boss required. My family is overweight because of what they put onto their plates, not because they’re genetically meant to be. If they ate right, that reality would change. Their reality is not mine unless I choose it.
So I’ve made an appointment with a holistic nutritionist to address my diet and the changes that I need to make. I need to write, even if no-one is reading it & time to take my camera out for a jaunt again because I’ve barely taken photos this year. Spring came and went without a single picture.
There’s nothing to fear other than having a closet full of options in the morning of pretty dresses that actually fit.
