June 2016 - My Soul is Scottish

Ramblings

Let me tell you something for nothing; being 40 rocks! This is so clichéd but the weight of other peoples’ expectations and opinions was miraculously left on the other side of 40. Maybe it’s because it was my first birthday as Me; maybe after 40 you really do not give a flying fig. Who cares, I’m loving it!

We’ve discussed my Lists before; there’s a list for everything. I’ve been doodling them for years. When I designed the Ideal Me a few years back, one of the things was dressing differently and basically ditching pants/trousers in favour of dresses because I hate pants. So that’s what I’ve done. Haven’t worn a single pair of pants yet in this vintage and I reckon this should be a permanent state of affairs. Wind, rain, blizzard or sun; dresses and skirts it is! *Maybe a pair of leggings under my dress on windy days because I’d hate to flash a bus of unsuspecting commuters in Chicago!*

The holistic nutritionist gave me a detox to do 2 weeks ago and we have a follow up this afternoon; 6 lbs. gone so far. The first few days were awful; it was touch and go about high fiving someone in the head with a brick. Headaches, bloating, discomfort and general misery. Thankfully that passed and after a week of my body rebelling against the madness, things settled down.

Thanks to my London ‘husband’ I have some new recipes that actually fitted in with the eating plan. Why that guy isn’t a chef I’ll never know. He perused my pantry over Skype and had me hauling out spices and ingredients I had no clue how to use. We did a Thai green curry with tuna steaks sliced Chinese-style instead of chicken and it was incredible! I have the recipe doodled somewhere so I’ll be making it again. I’ll post the recipe and pics when I do.

Since returning to my 4 Rooms project, things have definitely turned around. Having daily rituals that involve the Spiritual side of living has made an incredible difference. Simple things like journaling, meditating, even if only for a few minutes and going back to checking in with my intuition for decisions instead of making all my decisions from a strictly mental-only approach. The key to balance is in the room you neglect the most.

Brexit has certainly complicated things from a relocation point of view. Sure, it could still work but we’re in uncharted territory here so realistically, who knows what it will look like once the dust settles and we tally up the score.

Because I’m slightly weird I put the question of relocation to the Runes. Well……

1: Examine your motives for wanting change.

2: Do not be hasty in your decisions or attempt to go beyond where you have not yet begun. This will create a bigger problem than the one you’re attempting to resolve.

3: Live an ordinary life in an extraordinary way.

4: Point yourself in the direction you wish to go and wait on the will of heaven.

5: Pulling on the leaves does not make a plant grow faster – patience is called for. Plant the seeds you wish to nurture and attend to the work of self-change. The rest will come in its time.

Keep cleaning out your 4 rooms and let the rest take care of itself for now.

Black, white & all the shades of grey

2,000 miles and I’m back in one piece after spending a week with the folks in South Carolina. It was SO good seeing them again, catching up and just making time to relax.

40 is here and my DNA hasn’t unraveled. UK has voted out of the EU so who knows what that will bring as far as relocating goes. While the dust settles around that debacle, there’s the business of having fun.

On the way to SC my satnav took me on a wee detour down Old Tennessee 63 to avoid a traffic jam. It turns out all the best stuff is on the road less traveled.

Narrow wee bridge on Old Tennessee 63. Thankfully living in UK taught me to drive scary narrow roads on twisty bends.

Single lane bridge on a twisty road on Old Tennessee 63

These were not small butterflies. Just WOW!

These 2 butterflies were just sitting next to the tracks and were very obliging of me taking a pile of photos

Tracks to who knows where on Old Tennessee 63

Walkway over the stream along Old Tennessee 63

Blue hydrangea picked just for me because I love blue

DSCN7398

I think monochrome is my new favourite way to photograph the world. Maybe my passion is hidden in every shade of grey. It’s time to go and find out, shall we?

Here we go! Roll on 40!

Today marks my last day in my 30’s and there’s a Strawberry Moon rising tonight to mark the solstice. Love it! Turning 40 on an auspicious day because it won’t be a full moon on a solstice again until after I’m long gone.

I was born at official sunrise time on the winter solstice and now I’m on the other side of the magic line and it’s summer. WOOT!

Turning 40 has terrified me for a long time but I’ve decided sod it, I’m going to rock being 40! It’s been a gift denied to friends long gone. They never made it this far so I’m going to rock it for them as much as myself.

We spent the day at the beach; it felt so good being back in the ocean. There was no swimming allowed as there was a rip current but just sitting in the water was enough. Sand between my toes and sun on my face with the waves breaking. Damn I’ve missed the sea!

I took a walk to do some late-30’s contemplating; things I’ve done; things I haven’t done yet. There were teeny little hermit crabs in the shallows and of course, that sent my brain on a tangent.

We are always home. Our bodies are home. Wherever we are, we’re always home. My body isn’t in the state I want it to be, which could be why I keep trying to escape where I am. Crabs take their homes everywhere.

Crabs can’t exist in all environments though; we’re the same. Each of us in unique and we thrive in different environments, so when we’re out of that place, we’re uncomfortable. My ‘home’ doesn’t thrive here and I’m aware of that. So it’s time to put my home in a place where it works at its best but irrespective of where that is, I’m always home.

Wherever you go, you take yourself with you. So tidy out your ‘home’ and make it exactly what you want it to be on the inside because it will follow you everywhere. Put it in an environment where it can thrive. Environment is internal as well as external.

I found a shell on the beach which sums up where I am right now. I’ve grown and while it’s time to shed the old, the old has taught me what I know. It’s time to grow on it, add to it and make it better.

My old shell was home and the good parts will add to my new home.

DSCN7399 — A new shell growing on an old one

Never stop growing.

The key lies within

Humans are weird. We want change yet we resist it. We want improvement yet we make the same choices day in, day out. We want our dream lives yet we laugh it off as nothing more than that; a dream. A phantom wish flung out into the void that likely won’t be granted.

We tend to fear what we don’t know. Some people can get comfortable being uncomfortable. Those are the entrepreneurs and risk-takers. They feel fear but aren’t paralysed by it. Those are the people who have the epic before/after pics showing a complete transformation; be it body or lifestyle.

How did they push past it and do it anyway? What was the catalyst that woke them up from their Groundhog Day stupor and had them deciding: ENOUGH. I’m done. No more of this?

In the quest to restore my 4 rooms (physical, emotional, mental & spiritual), I’ve come to a realization. It starts in the spiritual room, however that looks for you. Do not confuse religion and spirituality; they are not the same thing. Spirituality is living in a way that aligns with what matters to you and brings you inner peace. Religion can bring you the same thing but not everyone is religious. I’m certainly not.

The room that needs the biggest overhaul is the physical one. With 30 lbs. to lose, it’s a sizeable challenge when viewed from the starting line. Yet, despite having a wealth of information at my fingertips, access to good food at a reasonable price and living in a place that is safe enough to exercise outdoors, I’ve made no progress. The barrier to transformation is not external; it’s internal. The key is in the spiritual room if you want to change the other 3.

I haven’t made peace with myself as I am now and by point-blank denying the state of affairs, change will not come. You wouldn’t fix something if you didn’t think it was broken, would you? Therein lies the problem. By denying I need to change, I haven’t.

There are several blogs that I subscribe to, mostly centered on better living and health. One of them sent me a link to a webinar on embracing the feminine and living authentically. I’m not a webinar fan because let’s be real, the first acronym has me mentally hitting the snooze button but I felt drawn to this one so had a listen.

Transforming! The blogger once had a life similar to mine now: finance job, stress, mentally exhausted and no passion or purpose. Granted, she earned a punt-load more than I currently do but that’s irrelevant. It’s still relatable.

She consciously chose to change and find her passion and live authentically. Ok, she had more moola in the bank from her job than I do, but again, relatable.

By putting her spiritual/inner needs first, she found her niche. She listed her daily rituals and well, what’s to lose by trying that? So I have. Meditating before going to bed; visualizing the peace I want in my life and actually seeing myself in the life I want; making time during the day to just reflect & be still; moving my body; journaling; checking in with my intuition. She uses Tarot cards, I have Runes.

Well….. let’s just say HOLY CRAP! The question I asked last night was: what is blocking me from the life I want? The answer:

Outmoded thinking. Old habits that no longer serve me. Not willing to be honest about what needs to change. Refusing to let right action flow through me. Ignoring my intuition. Need to be mindful of my health and the people I surround myself with. Unwillingness to let go.

Basically, the universe kneed me in the nuts. Hard. Every one of those things hits the mark. I drew 3 stones: 2 were inverted which indicates a blockage and one is the same in both directions. I am my biggest blockage.

The idea that I can’t make a living doing what I love; that I have nothing meaningful to contribute; that I need to work for a boss to support myself; that I’m genetically predisposed to being overweight because my family are; all of these things are what I’ve believed my whole life. I’ve believed because that’s what my parents and grandparents have believed. Look, learn, do.

Logically it’s a crock of shite. There are many people who are extremely successful doing things that I love; writing, photography, art. They are self-employed so no boss required. My family is overweight because of what they put onto their plates, not because they’re genetically meant to be. If they ate right, that reality would change. Their reality is not mine unless I choose it.

So I’ve made an appointment with a holistic nutritionist to address my diet and the changes that I need to make. I need to write, even if no-one is reading it & time to take my camera out for a jaunt again because I’ve barely taken photos this year. Spring came and went without a single picture.

There’s nothing to fear other than having a closet full of options in the morning of pretty dresses that actually fit.