How hard could it be to choose?

Life leaves little clues to the lessons you need to learn. At least, that’s how it’s starting to look from here. The past few days have been something of an eye-opener and not the comfortable kind either.

My best friend’s youngest brother was killed unexpectedly in a motorcycle accident a week ago. It’s definitely left a mark on their family, especially as he was the youngest. Thankfully, he lived his life making time for things he loved. There’s a lesson to be learned there. Unfortunately, the point was only driven home when he died.

Another close friend has been working all the hours God sends. Weekends, weekdays past midnight. Crazy hours. For what? Money? Serving some machine that demands ever more from its employees? Or would those be slaves to wages and success?

Colleagues working crazy hours and being pressured into working weekends; trading precious free time on someone else’s whim. Coming in early and leaving late, all the while apologising for having a life outside of the office and needing to catch a flight for a vacation they’ve planned for ages.

Even the list of movies people have been hounding me to watch are about living a life of passion, consequence and happiness. Life isn’t about perfection or being blissfully happy every minute of every day. There are bumps in the road but if the destination is happiness, then the sacrifices are worth it.

This bullshit needs to stop. As in NOW. When are we going to stop trading our irreplaceable time on things that tie us down? Yes, we need to earn a living. We also need to LIVE! When we spend more time LIVING at the office instead of actually LIVING our lives, then someone needs to slam on the brakes and call a time-out.

We all have at least one thing that we dream of doing. Maybe it’s a place or an experience, or maybe it’s even a thing we dream of possessing. Whatever it is, wouldn’t now be the time to do something about it? We aren’t guaranteed a tomorrow. Andre wasn’t. At 54 he still had years of life ahead. A life he wasn’t granted.

Women spend too much time apologising for doing what they want. Men don’t apologise.

I’ve been on the fence recently about relocating. Not because I don’t want to be in Scotland but because I’m afraid. Usually when I make up my mind to go, it’s never been more than 3 months from decision to departure so there’s never really time to think about it. I decide and then I go and I figure it out as I go along.

This time the gap between decision and departure is a year and that’s given me time to overthink it. Worry about when would be the best time to go. Is it too soon? Will it be too late? Do I want to start dating here? Should I wait until I go? Stupid things keeping my life in limbo because I’m worried that living will make me happy and I won’t want to leave.

Have you ever heard anything so stupid?! Delaying happiness in case it keeps me in one place. So what if I stay? So what if I go? When will I stop making excuses and choose happiness instead?

Enough. This is bullshit.

After months, I’ve finally given myself the name I wanted. The baggage tied up with my old name is safely tucked away behind me and each day another place updates my existence with my new name and another piece of the old me fades away into obscurity. Soon that name will be erased and the things that have kept me tied to the past will go with it.

The woman I’ve always wanted to be sucks the juice out of life. Every last drop of juice until every delicious flavour has been tasted and savoured.

I could sit here and worry about the 20 lbs I haven’t lost so I can be the world’s version of acceptable; or I could lie here naked, admiring the curves that look like a Renaissance painting, drinking a glass of wine and having cake for dinner because it pleases me.

What life do you want? I want to live a stone’s throw from history with the continent a short hop away. I want a job that takes up minimal time while paying me a fair wage. My time is worth more than being someone’s profit minion. Making 6 figures working for a boss isn’t on my agenda. I’d much rather do it working at something I love.

It’s time to work your job around your life, not your life around your job. You deserve that much. If it doesn’t make you happy, you have to choose: Leave it; change it; accept it. Those are your options. Pick one and be happy.

Author: MacScottie

I'm a South African-born American who dabbles in writing, photography and cookery. I lived in England for 6 years before moving to America. My first trip to Scotland was in 2003 and it was love at first sight. 4 trips later & I'm now on a quest to find a way back to my soul-home in Scotland. I've picked up favourite foods in each place I've lived so I'm a product of all the places I've been. A sprinkling of this, a dash of that and in an emergency, a generous splash of Scotch!

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