Sometimes you win, sometimes you need a detour.

The news on taking my job with me is basically no. Due to jurisdiction issues in the type of company I work for, it’s not doable. I can get a job with a different branch of the same company, I just can’t work this job from that location.

This changes the game. Plan A was taking my job with me; Plan B was doing it for a month or so from over there, then going my own way; Plan C was leaving with no job to go to.

Plans A & B are no longer options. Plan C doesn’t appeal to be honest. So Plan D is to take a few days, get a decent flight price and go over to see my friend. Then come back here and stick to my original timeline of November/December. If I can’t take my job with me, then I need to have the finances to support myself while I’m there. That means a few extra months here to clear up my loan from Bank of Dad so I can leave with everything paid up in full and completely debt free.

Plan D feels right. Plan C gives me palpitations so time to update some things on my spreadsheet and roll with it.

Thankfully my boss has offered to work around any time off I need to go to London, so that is immensely helpful and I’m grateful. The conversations we’ve had have been around a mutually beneficial solution and it’s amazing what compromises can be reached when you’re both considering what’s best for the other party. It opens up solutions that weren’t visible from a ME ME perspective. Funny how that works…

In the meantime, I’m feasting my eyes on some photography pages on Facebook that focus on Scotland. If I can’t go to my mountains, I’ll let them bring me pictures of my mountains instead.

The Highland Games are in Itasca, IL on June 17 & 18 so I will defo be heading there for a day to snap some pics and feast my eyes and ears on all things Scottish!

The signs just keep on coming

Yet another nudge from the universe that life and time wait for no-one. A week ago my London ‘husband’ called from Greece, where he was celebrating his partner’s birthday. An old high school friend had some bad news from his oncologist.

The cancer is back in his spine, pelvis and liver. They’ve stopped treatment and have given him a clock of ‘sometime around fall.’ That’s a mere 3 months away. He’s scared.

He isn’t even 40 with a 7 mth old daughter and 3 year old son whom he adores! They won’t remember him.

Despite all the faith in existence and the wonders of modern medicine, they cannot fix this. Mykal is taking it badly; he and Adrian are close. What do you say? Which words could possibly make this less devastating?!

While we all have ‘the rest of our lives ahead of us’, there’s no way of knowing how long ‘the rest’ is. 5 minutes. 5 years. 5 decades. Who knows?

If you sit down and give some serious thought to what you want out of life, the dream if you will, it’s very easy to get daunted and think you’ll never get it. Whether it’s the 30 lbs you need to lose, the supermodel body, the car, house, dream job; whatever IT is for you, you need to get after it.

You can tackle it balls to the wall or one step at a time. There’s no prescription for any of it. Just do something. Anything. ONE THING.

One disclaimer I’ll toss in here is that if you have more than 2 priorities, then you don’t have any. Decide which one is the most important for you with maybe a smaller one on the side and tackle it. I’ve opted for 20 lbs and relocating myself in the next 3 months. I’d like to see him again while there’s time.

This has significantly bumped up my clock on moving but I do my best living under pressure. The passport application went in last Saturday with a rush job on it. The boss is aware of my plan and he’s actually trying to make it happen for me from a job perspective. (Never underestimate people’s willingness to help you on your way.)

The visa app will go in within the next 3 weeks and from there it’s a roughly 3 week turnaround on a response. This means by the end of June I will have an answer on which way my life is going. It’s magic spreadsheet time, when I start finding homes for the stuff that won’t be shipped. This is happening. I’m going home!

That it took a terminally ill friend I haven’t seen in 25 years to make me pull my finger out of my arse is sad. I wish I was going home under happier circumstances. While it might sound trite and meaningless in the grand scheme, he has pushed me to LIVE; to finally get off my butt and make a change. I turn 40 1 month today. Holy shit.

While the visa work is happening in the background, there’s the business of gently getting my body back. I’ve had a cough I haven’t been able to shake for about 6 months now so I Googled things that cause mucous. Well…

Increased consumption of dairy (cheese is GOOD!), caffeine (yep!), sugar (yep because it goes in my caffeine), alcohol (scotch is delicious!), bread/gluten (yep, sammiches every day, sometimes twice a day) and eggs (I don’t have a problem with eggs.)

All of those things have increased since the end of last year so time to rein them in. Simply put, the coffees have to go because they will take some dairy and sugar with them. Scotch has been off the menu for a week and sammiches are down to every other day and no bread at home. My chest feels easier and I’m coughing a bit less.

Next is the small matter of shifting the poundage. I’ve cranked up my water intake and gone back to logging my stuff on myfitnesspal. It’s helpful seeing where the wasted calories are going. **SUGAR**

Unfortunately, a little over a week ago I asked my sister to show me how to make koeksisters, which is a traditional South African sweet and it takes a TON of sugar. We made the syrup last week and today is the dough and deep frying… the timing is not great given the mission I gave myself about 2 days after making the suggestion. But it’s family time and I’ve always wanted to learn how to make them so that’s what’s going down today. Moderation.

I’m in 3 fitbit challenges today so win, lose, shit or bust, I need to hit my 10k step goal. It might be in increments of 20 mins at a time, but I’ll meet it because it’s necessary.

You don’t need to tackle every goal in its entirety; break them down into bits. So what if it’s 20 minutes at a time, you’re still reaching the goal and that is what we’re aiming for. Getting to the finish line of the life we want to live.

I’ll cheer your corner all day long on the road to living your best life.

How hard could it be to choose?

Life leaves little clues to the lessons you need to learn. At least, that’s how it’s starting to look from here. The past few days have been something of an eye-opener and not the comfortable kind either.

My best friend’s youngest brother was killed unexpectedly in a motorcycle accident a week ago. It’s definitely left a mark on their family, especially as he was the youngest. Thankfully, he lived his life making time for things he loved. There’s a lesson to be learned there. Unfortunately, the point was only driven home when he died.

Another close friend has been working all the hours God sends. Weekends, weekdays past midnight. Crazy hours. For what? Money? Serving some machine that demands ever more from its employees? Or would those be slaves to wages and success?

Colleagues working crazy hours and being pressured into working weekends; trading precious free time on someone else’s whim. Coming in early and leaving late, all the while apologising for having a life outside of the office and needing to catch a flight for a vacation they’ve planned for ages.

Even the list of movies people have been hounding me to watch are about living a life of passion, consequence and happiness. Life isn’t about perfection or being blissfully happy every minute of every day. There are bumps in the road but if the destination is happiness, then the sacrifices are worth it.

This bullshit needs to stop. As in NOW. When are we going to stop trading our irreplaceable time on things that tie us down? Yes, we need to earn a living. We also need to LIVE! When we spend more time LIVING at the office instead of actually LIVING our lives, then someone needs to slam on the brakes and call a time-out.

We all have at least one thing that we dream of doing. Maybe it’s a place or an experience, or maybe it’s even a thing we dream of possessing. Whatever it is, wouldn’t now be the time to do something about it? We aren’t guaranteed a tomorrow. Andre wasn’t. At 54 he still had years of life ahead. A life he wasn’t granted.

Women spend too much time apologising for doing what they want. Men don’t apologise.

I’ve been on the fence recently about relocating. Not because I don’t want to be in Scotland but because I’m afraid. Usually when I make up my mind to go, it’s never been more than 3 months from decision to departure so there’s never really time to think about it. I decide and then I go and I figure it out as I go along.

This time the gap between decision and departure is a year and that’s given me time to overthink it. Worry about when would be the best time to go. Is it too soon? Will it be too late? Do I want to start dating here? Should I wait until I go? Stupid things keeping my life in limbo because I’m worried that living will make me happy and I won’t want to leave.

Have you ever heard anything so stupid?! Delaying happiness in case it keeps me in one place. So what if I stay? So what if I go? When will I stop making excuses and choose happiness instead?

Enough. This is bullshit.

After months, I’ve finally given myself the name I wanted. The baggage tied up with my old name is safely tucked away behind me and each day another place updates my existence with my new name and another piece of the old me fades away into obscurity. Soon that name will be erased and the things that have kept me tied to the past will go with it.

The woman I’ve always wanted to be sucks the juice out of life. Every last drop of juice until every delicious flavour has been tasted and savoured.

I could sit here and worry about the 20 lbs I haven’t lost so I can be the world’s version of acceptable; or I could lie here naked, admiring the curves that look like a Renaissance painting, drinking a glass of wine and having cake for dinner because it pleases me.

What life do you want? I want to live a stone’s throw from history with the continent a short hop away. I want a job that takes up minimal time while paying me a fair wage. My time is worth more than being someone’s profit minion. Making 6 figures working for a boss isn’t on my agenda. I’d much rather do it working at something I love.

It’s time to work your job around your life, not your life around your job. You deserve that much. If it doesn’t make you happy, you have to choose: Leave it; change it; accept it. Those are your options. Pick one and be happy.