Sometimes trying to put feelings into words is like trying to nail jelly to the wall; difficult and more than a little bit messy.
Looking back over the week and taking stock over my 4 rooms, the score card looks a bit like this:
Emotional room: Train wreck
Physical: Quite a bit better initially. I started off great for 4 days then derailed for the end of the week.
Mental: Exhausted
Spiritual: Neglected.
Let’s start with the top of the pile, shall we?
Tuesday was an actual train wreck that ended with a body under the train during the commute home. Sitting on a train for a few hours thinking about the life that ended under it definitely gives a person pause for thought.
Wednesday was dinner with the folks and a hard goodbye. I never realised how much it meant seeing them regularly until I waved goodbye and they weren’t there for dinner on Friday. The house that’s been my 2nd home since I arrived here is now someone else’s home.
My brother and his family have taken over the house and while it looks mostly the same, it feels different. It’s their space now and the freedom to come and go through that space is no longer there for me. Something as simple as the sofa being pushed all the way against the wall has left me feeling unsettled because it’s clearly no longer my parents’ home. It’s not my safety net. That has left me feeling strangely devastated.
Physically I made better choices regarding my diet this week. Well, let me clarify that; I did until Thursday. Thursday, Friday and today were less planned and as a result, definitely unhealthier.
Not having made time last weekend to properly stock up my fridge for the week ahead got me through to Wednesday but derailed me for the rest of the week. Putting non-essential shit too high up on the priority list left the last half of the week in a mess. The first order of business in the morning is to restock my fridge with the things I’ll need to eat right for a week. Sanctuary would be better sought in my spiritual room rather than in beer and Scotch.
Mentally I’m fried. Work is taking too high a toll on my sanity at the moment and Wednesday had me at the end of a very short rope. If I’d had my passport in my bag my commute home might have taken me to O’Hare airport. Finding a handle on work is going to take some creative problem-solving on my part and to be honest, I can’t be arsed.
The urge to go back to Scotland is drowning out my will to do anything else other than count down the days until I can send in my visa application. Please can I just go home to my mountains…? My Falcon’s Eye is still next to my heart every day, reminding me to go home.
The spiritual room didn’t even get a second glance this week.
Life is starting to feel decidedly like one of those hidden object games where you need to find a specific item in one place to use in another place, which unlocks the thing holding the clue you need to solve a problem somewhere else.
Maybe the solution to the mental & emotional upheaval is in the room I didn’t go into this week.
Time to log off from the endless Netflix reruns, put on some soothing tunes, light some incense and get under my blankie with a book.
Tomorrow is another clean slate so draw a line under today, leave the failings at the door and get some rest.
I host my blog on HostGator. They have a number of widgets and add-ins that you can customize depending on the level of security you’re looking for. I’d definitely suggest having a look at what they offer to see if it would help you.