It’s midnight and I’ve been pacing around my apartment unable to sleep. I’m so homesick I want to crawl into a hole and cry. The pull back to Scotland is so bad right now I can’t begin to describe the hollow feeling it leaves behind.
The song by Dougie MacLean ‘Caledonia’ pretty much sums it up right now:
Let me tell you that I love you and I think about you all the time
Caledonia you’re calling me and now I’m going home
But if I should become a stranger you know that it would make me more than sad
Caledonia’s been everything I’ve ever had
I have moved and I’ve kept on moving, proved the points that I needed proving
Lost the friends that I needed losing, found others on the way
Caledonia was the Roman name for the lands north of Britannia. Scotland. There have not been many times in my life when I’ve felt the certainty I feel right now; the certainty that my life is headed down a specific path and nothing is going to stop it. The HOW of it is still out of sight but the certainty is starting to spiral.
I rolled out of bed close to midday today and after making some coffee, I checked my e-mail and blow me over George if there wasn’t an e-mail from my ex. I’m not even sure if ex is the correct term for him as we only dated for a few months. Well, I dated him, he was in it for the sex.
Turns out his agenda hasn’t changed. After the prerequisite chitchat he came right out and asked for it. Just like that. Uh….. what? Haven’t heard from the guy in almost 2 years. Given that I walked away the first time, what in the name of Pluto’s pox-infested grandmother makes you think I’d consider the same arrangement again?
That just rammed another half dozen nails into the ‘oh-HELL-no’ coffin. Between his dumbass and the wind chill of -29C I’m just nailing shit into this coffin all over the place today.
I just found a recipe for hot chocolate with scotch. Man, if it wasn’t so late/early, I’d haul out my beaters to whip some cream and make it. Two birds with one stone, decent Scotch to chase the blues away and hot chocolate to take the cold away. Sadly I’m a considerate neighbour so the whipped cream will have to wait until the sun comes up in the morning.
Here’s the link to the recipe in case anyone is having a hot chocolate/scotch emergency:
Until then I’m going to go back to listening to Sad FM and hopefully fall asleep before I pace a groove into the carpet.